Donny, an aspiring comedian working in a bar, is serving a customer named Martha. Masa is crying, and Donnie offers her a cup of tea without asking for payment. Masa interprets this kindness as a sign that a special relationship has formed between the two of them.
At first glance, this appears to be a story about a kind man encountering a dangerous guest. However, Doni’s reaction doesn’t unfold as expected. He fears Masa’s attention, yet he is unable to completely reject someone who shows affection towards him. While I found his hesitation frustrating, it was precisely that frustration that made me want to see why he couldn’t end the relationship.
One might want to extract all the rules of social interaction from a single cup of tea. But that’s not possible. In this drama, the issue to be examined is not the wrongfulness of showing kindness, but rather, to what extent should Doni be held responsible for his clumsy choices.
I believe that “Baby Reindeer” is an excellent drama because it does not shy away from exposing Donnie’s wrong choices, while also avoiding the trap of blaming him for the violence he experienced.
Looking at the relationship he could not end rather than the hand that offered tea
I am more interested in the reason why Donny cannot bring himself to cut off Martha’s attention, rather than the kindness that Doni showed her. What this drama does well is to present Doni’s hesitation without concealing it.
Doni is an aspiring comedian who wants to make people laugh on stage. He is pleased when someone acknowledges him as special. However, the problem is that this feeling of being appreciated is accompanied by a sense of intimidation from the other person.
Masa enters Doni’s life because she likes him. While this is an unsettling intrusion for Doni, the joy of having someone who understands him doesn’t completely disappear. I appreciated that the story accurately portrays these conflicting emotions.
However, this does not make Masa’s behavior any less dangerous. Masa treats Doni’s kindness as a right she is entitled to. If the bullying extends to Doni’s loved ones, it cannot be simply dismissed as a matter of ambiguous affection between the two.
Focusing solely on the fact that Doni wanted attention here leads to a misattribution of responsibility. The desire to be liked does not constitute permission to engage in such behavior. The criticism of Doni’s immature response and the judgment that Martha was bullying him are both valid and can coexist.
I watched the screen, hoping that Doni would quickly end the relationship. However, the drama didn’t rush to resolve the situation as I had hoped. Instead, it showed Donny unable to push away Martha’s attention, forcing the audience to witness his discomfort until the very end.
Thanks to this choice, Doni does not become a character who must erase his flaws in order to be protected. He desires recognition, hesitates in the face of danger, and sometimes makes situations more difficult. The drama shows these aspects of his character, while still clearly identifying who committed the acts of violence.
The important thing is not to divide the blame equally between the two people. It is about separately examining why Doni was unable to end the relationship and the responsibility that Masa bears for intruding on it. Because these two aspects are not conflated, the time spent following the frustrating protagonist is not wasted.
However, Donny’s hesitation cannot be fully explained solely by the recognition needs that are currently apparent. To what extent will this drama show why he cannot let go of the attention even though he knows it is frightening?
Episode 4 does not tell viewers to forgive Doni
The fourth episode is excellent because it doesn’t insist that Donnie’s choices are right. Instead, it shows us the past traumas that we overlooked when judging him.
This episode turns from the present-day stalking back to the sexual assault Donny experienced. The famous author, Darrien, approaches Doni, seemingly offering him an opportunity to succeed. However, the recognition that Doni craves becomes a means by which he is harmed.
What is important here is not only the shock of the act of violence. It is the fact that the person who harmed Doni was initially a senior who recognized his potential. Because the violence occurred within a relationship where help was expected, the resulting pain is compounded by the betrayal of trust.
The desire to gain recognition from Dae-yeon is connected to Masa’s continued interest, but the two relationships are not the same. For Doni, it is particularly difficult to push away someone who makes him feel special.
I stopped asking Donnie the questions I had been asking him at this point. It was easy to ask why he hadn’t run away sooner. However, those questions alone did not explain what Donnie was trying to gain from the relationship.
Even after understanding his past, his behavior did not suddenly improve. The frustrating choices remained frustrating. What changed was my judgment, which had previously judged even his victimization based solely on his actions.
The drama accurately defines the scope of responsibility, instead of erasing Doni’s wrongdoing. The harm he inflicts on others must be addressed. However, the violence committed by Darrien should not be attributed solely to Doni’s need for recognition.
The fact that he wanted to succeed does not mean he permitted exploitation. Similarly, finding someone’s attention pleasant does not imply consent to harassment. Episode 4 connects the past and present, clearly highlighting this distinction.
Therefore, I do not believe that this episode covers up Doni’s mistakes. If it had been intended to unconditionally protect Doni, it would have omitted his wrong choices. Instead, the work preserves that image and places what we have not seen beside it.
When recalling the frustrating moments from the previous episode, the same actions prompt different questions. The focus shifts from “Why does he behave like that?” to “What is he trying to hold on to in that relationship?” That question does not excuse Doni’s wrongdoing, while making us look more closely at why he acted that way.
Furthermore, the actors deserve significant credit for ensuring that this explanation does not come across as a facile excuse, as they openly portray both the suffering and the wrongdoing.
Actors distinguish between understanding and absolution
The actors portray Donny’s suffering and the pain he inflicts on others. As a result, I was able to understand these characters, but I did not excuse all of their actions.
Richard Gadd, who played Donny, makes that difference clear in his onstage confession. Even when he brings out the hurt and shame instead of a prepared joke, there is still a look on his face that wants to make a good impression. Talking about his pain does not make his habit of worrying about other people’s reactions disappear.
Gadd does not frame this confession as a triumphant declaration by a brave person. The voice that speaks contains both a desire to conceal and a hope to be understood. As the body that had been trying to make people laugh transforms into a body that reveals its own pain, I put aside my expectation of laughter.
Therefore, this scene is more painful than simply asking for Donny to be liked. He is someone who, even while sharing his story, still desires recognition. Gadd does not suppress this desire, nor does he make the confession a lie.
Jessica Gunning, who plays Masa, firmly holds the line between warmth and menace. Even when the kindness she showed Doni turns to anger, the loneliness she revealed earlier does not disappear. It is frightening to realize that a lonely person and a dangerous person are not necessarily separate people.
Gunning gives us a chance to feel sorry for Martha, but she does not allow us to dismiss her actions lightly. The facial expressions that initially sought welcome attention transform into anger, intending to control the other person. I realized that, rather than feeling pity, it is important to distinguish between pity and consent.
Terry is a transgender woman who is dating Donnie. Naba Mau reveals her kindness in trying to understand Donny and the pain of living as a hidden lover.
Tom Goodman-Hill, who plays the famous writer Darrien, maintains a gentle demeanor, illustrating how what Donnie perceived as kindness was actually used for exploitation.
These performances are excellent because they avoid reducing characters to a single emotion. Even if Doni’s pain feels real, it doesn’t diminish the significance of Terry’s suffering. The fact that Masa feels lonely does not give her the right to bully Doni.
After distributing responsibility for each action, sharp questions remain for Doni. Nevertheless, should we suspect even the harm he suffered, simply because he sought attention?
Wanting attention does not equate to consenting to violence
I agree with the criticism that Doni damaged the relationship. However, I do not agree with the judgment that he is not the victim.
Doni is attracted to Terry, his transgender girlfriend, but he fears the judgment of those around him. As a result, she hides their relationship and unintentionally hurts those who try to understand him. It is important not to attribute the reason for Terry’s pain solely to Doni’s past.
Terry needs more than just an explanation for why Donny is hiding her. She needs to see the actions of a partner who is not hiding anything. The fact that Donny is hurting does not make that demand excessive.
Conversely, the fact that Donny wronged Terry does not justify Masa’s harassment. The same applies to the fact that there were moments when Donny welcomed Martha’s attention. Welcoming attention does not constitute permission to intrude on someone’s personal life.
The desire to be noticed and the promise to accept all of another person’s actions are different things. Even if Doni did not clearly express this difference, the boundaries that Masa must respect remain. Those who misinterpret a hesitant refusal as acceptance must also be held accountable.
According to these standards, the victim must present a complete record of their entire life before they can even describe the harm they have suffered. This is not a qualification exam.
Even when I was angry at Donny, I tried to understand what he had gone through. This drama does not make that distinction for the audience. It continues to portray Donny’s flaws while avoiding assigning responsibility to the person who committed the violence.
“I May Destroy You” can also be viewed through the same lens. Both works convey the message that experiencing harm does not automatically transform a person into an exemplary individual. They are similar in that they distinguish between criticizing the actions of the victim and denying the harm itself.
Among them, the series “Baby Reindeer” persistently explores the desire for recognition. Donny craves acceptance from others, but he also feels ashamed of this desire. The greater his shame, the more he clings to the idea that someone sees him as special.
Therefore, what is more important is not whether I came to like Donnie, but what questions I asked him. The matter of hiding Terry should be addressed to Donnie, while the issues of bullying and sexual assault should be addressed to the perpetrators. However, the way in which this complex person is portrayed is not always accurate.
Having made us trust Donny, it explains too much
I appreciate the attitude of not judging Doni simplistically. However, it is a shame that, even after showing his feelings through scenes, he repeatedly explains them in words.
Narration is a way of explaining events or one’s feelings through a voice heard from off-screen. Doni’s voice reflecting on his own actions gains power when conveying shame that is not outwardly revealed. It is a fitting choice for someone who wants to be recognized by others while trying to hide that desire.
The problem lies in the fact that the acting and the relationships explain again feelings that have already been conveyed. Gadd’s reaction reveals his inability to let go despite fearing Martha’s attention. Doni’s behavior, wanting to get closer to Terry while hiding the relationship, also fully reveals his contradiction.
However, when the voice explains the meaning of the contradiction, I find myself listening rather than following Doni. The time for hesitation based on observation is reduced. In a way, the drama itself prematurely resolves the uncomfortable judgments that are its strength.
Facial expressions, dialogue, and even voices from off-screen are all used. I have already heard about this.
There are aspects that are more disappointing than simply having too much explanation. The responsibility for using Masa as a creative subject does not linger as persistently as Doni’s romantic desires and need for recognition. The courage to confess things that are disadvantageous to oneself, and the right to turn others into stories, are separate matters.
It is not justifiable to portray Masa in a certain way simply because Doni’s confession is honest. The fact that Masa bullied Doni does not negate those questions. The right to speak about harm and the responsibility to depict others must be considered together.
I am not trying to minimize Donny’s suffering in order to protect Martha. Just as there is a distinction between Donny’s wrongdoing and the violence he experienced, I want to distinguish between the value of confession and the responsibility of creation. The drama is insistent on the former distinction, but it prematurely abandons the latter.
Because of this, Doni reveals his own flaws, but as a storyteller, he is less likely to be suspected. If a work demands that the audience change their judgment, it should also apply the same standard to its own narrative. Nevertheless, this excess of explanation and the lack of accountability are less significant than the achievement of changing the perspective on the victim.
The responsibility for violence does not lie with the victim, even if they were in the wrong
I believe that “Baby Reindeer” has accomplished something more difficult than simply making viewers like Donny. It forces viewers to feel anger towards Donny, while simultaneously acknowledging that the violence he experienced was not his fault. The strength of this work lies in not erasing the victim’s flaws first in order to protect the victim.
Donny’s act of hiding Terry is his responsibility. However, he should not be held responsible for stalking and sexual assault simply because he wanted to be recognized. The drama doesn’t just claim this difference in words; it demonstrates it by showing us the actions that made us feel frustrated.
My rating is 4.5 out of 5 stars. Episode 4 prompts a reevaluation of Doni’s actions, and the actors portray suffering while not concealing their wrongdoings. I deducted points because the episode repeatedly explains already revealed psychological aspects, and it downplays Doni’s responsibility for using others as creative material. An honest confession does not pass every question.
If you enjoy following a difficult-to-understand character while revising your own judgment, then this 7-episode series is well worth your time. Conversely, if you are looking for clear-cut justice and satisfying resolutions, this may not be the right choice for you. This is also not a lighthearted series for those who are sensitive to depictions of stalking and sexual assault.
When watching, it is recommended to pay attention to who Donnie wants to gain recognition from. His behavior becomes more apparent when he is in front of Martha, Darrien, and Terry. Rather than trying to guess the true identity of the actual person, it is more in line with the spirit of this drama to analyze the actions and responsibilities of the characters in the adapted story.
The next work to be discussed is “I May Destroy You.” Both works avoid portraying the victims as flawless individuals, while also not obscuring the responsibility for the violence. I was angered by Doni’s choice. However, the violence he experienced does not become his fault.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Is “Baby Reindeer” a true story?
Richard Gard wrote the drama based on his own experiences. However, since the characters and the sequence of events have been altered, it should not be taken as a factual record of the actual event. It is important not to interpret the actions and punishments depicted in the drama as the actual history of real individuals.
Where can it be seen, and how many episodes are there?
This is a British drama series released on Netflix, consisting of 7 episodes. It is a story that follows the relationships and emotions after violence, rather than a simple stalking thriller.
Does it contain strong depictions of sexual violence or stalking?
The series deals with stalking and sexual violence, and in particular, the fourth episode features a past experience of sexual violence as a central theme. If the related depictions are difficult to watch, there is no need to force yourself to watch it continuously. This is not a work to be started with the expectation of satisfying revenge.
Does it have an original work? What is the difference from the drama?
The work is based on Gard’s 2019 one-person play of the same title. The 70-minute monologue has been expanded into a 7-episode multi-character drama. In the play, the character of Martha, who was previously represented by a chair on stage, is now portrayed by an actor, making the relationship between the actor’s facial expressions and the character even more important.
What other works can be considered similar based on the same criteria?
I recommend “I May Destroy You.” Both works start from the premise that experiencing victimization does not necessarily transform a person into a flawless, exemplary individual. It is worthwhile to compare how each work addresses the victim’s flaws while avoiding obscuring the perpetrator’s responsibility.
